Did you know that we each have the power to change our minds, literally; we can change the chemistry of our brains and make our minds work for us to create a beautiful life. This may sound far-fetched, but I assure you it is true. Today, I am providing you with the tips and tricks you need to change your mind and make it work for you.
Today I am going to walk you through how to, quite literally, transform your mind and make it work for you. The main framework and steps for doing this are:
- Become aware of what your current mindset is.
- Identify limiting beliefs.
- Change your internal dialogue.
- Use affirmations.
- Set clear, specific goals and write them and speak them often.
- Align behavior to your goals and affirmations.
I first learned the power of mindset many years ago, when I started focusing on my body image issues. I had a very negative body image for most of my life. It still creeps back up on me at times and I still have to practice all that I’m covering here today toward my body image at times. This has taught me that this is a lifelong effort, which gets easier and better with consistency and when you have the tools.
So, as I mentioned, I’ve struggled with body image most of my life. It was so bad at times that I used to actually hit myself when looking in the mirror, because I didn’t see what I wanted to see. At the time, I didn’t know that what I wanted to see was impossible. What I wanted to see was what I saw on magazines. We all can relate to this, I think. It was years later when I learned that even the women on the magazines don’t look like that. They are all edited and airbrushed to impossible perfection. I’ve come to understand this is deliberate. The industry needs us to hate the way we look and strive for these impossible standards so we continue to buy their bullshit: the supplements, pills, expensive equipment, the magical programs. Having tried nearly all of this and having lost weight and reaching weight goals a few times, I can tell you that if you don’t clean up the mind it won’t matter what the scale says or what size you wear. I was beating myself literally and verbally at 131 pounds and wearing a size 8 that was starting to fall off of me. Yet, because my mindset wasn’t right, I saw something completely different in the mirror. But, this wasn’t the only thing in my mind working against me. This was when I was in my early twenties, when I was still single and dating. Every time I went out with a guy and didn’t hear from him after, I turned it in to proof that I was too fat; it was because I wasn’t thin and perfect enough.
Do you see how toxic the thinking was? But there was more to the paradigm that I didn’t see until much, much, much later in life. It als0 translated into my work life. I was a total perfectionist and over-achiever. The way my mind was working, which I was oblivious to at the time, was I had to be perfect and crush everything I was given at work. There could be no room for failure or I was garbage. I now understand there were two things at play here: one, years of physical and verbal bullying in my formative years created this perfectionism as my only defense against criticism, and two, my job and doing well had become the one and only source of confidence I had. I was seeking external approval and validation through work, but consciously, I thought I was doing my job.
While this paradigm led me to multiple promotions and a steady climb up the proverbial ladder, it also led me straight into adrenal burnout. It deepened my depression, amplified my anxiety, and the stress levels ultimately caused me to regain the weight I’d spent four years starving myself and beating myself through exercise to lose. The pattern continued for more than a decade, until I hit my bottom, after two failed relationships that left me a single mother of three, in a demanding job, hanging on by a thread to keep it all together.
I was also in yet another situation at work, where a co-worker had decided they should be in my position instead of me. This person exploited when I went on leave to have my youngest. I took a whole 3 months off, because I was still in the hustle and still believed that I had to put work before all else. In futility I continued to jump back in and gave it my all, but this person had done the damage. This was the first time in my career that I had been relegated to unnecessary by my boss and I struggled with it a lot. Again, I was still in a toxic mindset and made it mean something about me. But it was a blessing in disguise. It gave me the space I needed to finally put my health and wellbeing before my stupid job.
So, once again I set out to lose weight, but this time I was driven by a desire to get myself back as opposed to getting my body back. Through this, I learned to become aware of how I was speaking to myself. I learned that I had to love me the whole way through my weight loss journey, not just when I reached my goal. Through everything I am walking you through in today’s episode, I finally learned to love my body and myself. I cleaned up my internal dialogue and refused to speak anything but love and life to myself. I started sharing this with others, speaking love and life to them too. Each passing day I felt better and I reached a point where I knew anything was possible. I started dreaming again, for the first time in nearly a decade. Not only that ,I started taking action toward my goals and I felt fearless and almost invincible
Not too long after this something happened that set me back. I had started dating and met someone who was insincere. He awakened something in me and I believed completely and trusted completely that we were on the same page. I really had no reason to believe otherwise. His actions aligned with his words, until the day they didn’t. By the time he ghosted me it was too late. The damage was done and I spiraled right back down into my pit. It has taken me years to completely recover. I was in such a great place when I met this person. I couldn’t understand what had happened.
This situation taught me I still had some things lurking deep down that needed healing. Things I was oblivious to. Things that were still running in the background. If this hadn’t been the case I would have never attracted this person. But I had to go on a deep journey inward to understand all this. I had to get out of my own way and allow myself to see that this heartbreak reflected something internal. So, this deepened my spiritual growth as well as my understanding of the power of the mindset. I learned even more and discovered that, just as our mind can destroy us and create an undesirable reality, it is also one of our greatest gifts from God, as it is our tool for creating the reality we want. So, let’s get into how you can change your mind and make it work for you instead of against you.
- Become aware of what your current mindset is.
Ok, obviously you can’t change what you are unaware of, so the first thing you have to do is become aware of your current dominant thought paradigm. How do you do this? Well, you look around at the external reality, because that is where your evidence is. Where are there patterns? Relationships? Jobs? Income? Weight? Body image? You must start taking stock of your current situation to see where you may have some things in your mindset that are working against you. Be honest with yourself on this. It’s ok, none of us are perfect and looking for where your mindset may be affecting your life doesn’t mean you deserve bad things or less than someone else. It just means you aren’t yet aware of how you are creating your outer reality. The sooner you start doing this, the sooner you can start turning it around. I wish I had learned about this twenty years ago! - Identify your limiting beliefs.
Limiting beliefs are the lies or negative thoughts that essentially run the show in various areas of our lives. These become evident when you start to pay attention to the evidence of your current mindset. Let’s continue from the example I gave earlier with dating. If I didn’t hear from a man after a date, I twisted it around to mean something bad about me. It was because I was unlovable. I was too fat. I wasn’t pretty enough. Because this is what I believed, I repelled what I really wanted; a man that would love me for me, who I could love the same. This is the same reason, I attracted all the men who eventually broke my heart; because deep down somewhere in my mindset were these limiting beliefs. Recognizing this doesn’t mean I deserved what they did though.
Money is another great way to identify limiting beliefs. Common examples: money doesn’t grow on trees, money is the root of all evil, people with money are greedy, people with money are shallow, only certain types of people can be wealthy, etc. We also have stories and memories around money that feed our mindset or dominant thought paradigm. Some of my examples, not having designer clothes in school meant that I wasn’t good enough. Going on a date and the man insisting we split the bill, or the one who made a snarky comment about paying, making me feel like I wasn’t good enough. The story I heard from my dad that you have to work hard to earn money; i.e. it’s a struggle.
So, start identifying your limiting beliefs and make a list of them. These are what you need to re-write or transform. - Change your internal dialogue.
Ok, so it’s not gonna be enough to change your limiting beliefs if you don’t also start loving yourself unconditionally. This means you need to speak to yourself like you would your son or daughter, or anyone else you love. Would you tell your daughter she looks fat in her outfit, or that she isn’t beautiful, or that she’s stupid? No, you certainly wouldn’t, right?! Yet, this is the kind of crap so many of us say to ourselves on the daily. It’s not ok, not just for the obvious reasons, but also because your subconscious takes whatever you feed it repeatedly and runs with it. It will work to make it true. This way of thinking about and speaking to oneself becomes the lens through which we do everything. So, it’s no wonder, we look in the mirror and feel sad, disgusted, unhappy, angry, or whatever else.
It’s not enough to say affirmations or write our desires if we don’t love ourselves and believe we are worthy. So, start speaking to yourself like you love yourself. Make an effort and be mindful not to allow yourself to criticize yourself. When you catch yourself doing it, flip it into something affirming. Speak nothing by love and life to yourself all day every day. - Use affirmations.
I mentioned a moment ago that affirmation s are essentially useless if you don’t accompany them with the belief and positive emotion. This is true, but in order to get there, you need to use them. So, if, like me, you struggle with body image issues, stand in front of the mirror and say you love your body, say you look beautiful, say you are grateful to be healthy, fit, and toned. This takes consistency and frequency. The idea here is to reprogram the brain. You’ve spend years, maybe even decades programming it negatively, so it’s going to take time to reverse it. But, the point is it can be reversed and this is one of the ways to do it. - Set clear, specific goals and write them and speak them often.
So, this is getting at how we start to bring our goals and dreams into reality. To do this, we need clear goals. However, we want to keep it manageable at first, so I suggest setting one to two goals for yourself at a time. I have one for career/business and one personal goal. Make the goals specific, but something you can easily memorize and fit on a small card. Start the goal with the following: I am so happy and grateful now that…the idea is that we are speaking the goal into life and to do that you write it and speak it into existence. Write the goals on a small card you can carry with you and look at throughout the day. What happens is, the more you do this, the ore it gets into the subconscious and eventually it will start to show up in your behavior. In time, without even realizing it, you will start moving toward the goals. - Align behavior to your goals and affirmations.
The last thing I’ll talk about today is aligning behavior to your goals and affirmations. As I mentioned, this starts to happen somewhat organically as you start speaking your goals consistently, but another important piece is to start embodying that as soon as you get clear on the goals. Ask yourself, who do I need to be, to have this. A good goal is often something that is a stretch from where you are now, but not completely out of reach.
Achieving your goal usually requires you to change; the version of you that has accomplished the goal is a different version of you; so start thinking and imagining what is she like? It doesn’t have to be perfect, just use your imagination and start showing up that way every day. How does she carry herself? How does she act, speak? How does she feel? All these questions will help you start to embody the version of you that ahs accomplished your goals.
So, friends this is how you can not only change your mind, but also make your mind work for you. I hope you have found this helpful and I hope you will lean into this work.
I am an intuitive coach and energy healer and this is one of the many things I help women and moms with. If you would like to work with me, you can contact me at Rachelle@faithfitnessjoy.com. I’d also love for you to join my free, private Faith Fitness Joy Facebook Group.
I would love to hear from you, so please share your thoughts in the comments. If you find this helpful and want to continue the pursuit of faith, fitness, and joy with me, please like and subscribe. You can also find all things mind, body, and soul health on my Podcast. Thanks for stopping by and I hope to see you in the comments and on the socials!