While joy is synonymous with happy, it feels different to me. Joy is deeper than happiness; like a more intense happiness. It’s something you feel in your whole being. It beams from within. It is a state of being and we can choose to enter this state by shifting our mindset. I wish so badly I had realized this sooner in my life, but I only realized this several months ago. In my previous post on fitness, I talked about having been bullied as a kid and how this deeply affected me. It dimmed my outlook on things. I turned inward and began to believe the things my bullies said to me every day. I began to say the same things and even worse things to myself. It even went as far as me physically hurting myself, because I had developed such a deep melancholy and self-hatred. As I grew up and time went on, it became a pattern of negative thoughts. I became inclined to thinking negatively. I always saw the glass half empty. I was hyper focused on what wasn’t going right, what I didn’t have, or the bad things that happened. I’d have moments of happiness or even joy, but they always seemed short lived. I grew to believe I didn’t deserve happiness; that it just wasn’t ever going to happen.
However, I was fortunate to have a support system in family and friends. As I entered adulthood, they helped me learn to shift my focus to the positive things. I read different books that helped me develop this practice and shift my thinking. It took years, but eventually, I had shifted from always seeing things half empty to being more inclined to see things half full. It was always a practice; something I had to make a conscious effort to do when things weren’t going the way I wanted. Sometimes I would fail and fall into a deep depression and it would take months or years to get myself back out of it. There was a common thread through this period, up until several months ago: the way I talked to myself. While I had learned over the years to count my blessings and focus on all the good things and be grateful, I had never changed how I talked to myself about myself. I still stood in front of the mirror almost daily telling myself how disgusting I looked. When my marriage ended, and the relationship after that, I told myself I deserved it, because this is what always happens to me. I told myself something was wrong with me. Writing this now it seems so glaringly obvious – of course I was in and out of depression and sadness! When I faced challenges or experienced pain or betrayal, I was tearing myself down and blaming myself, which only pushed me deeper into the hole. You cannot talk to yourself like this and be happy or joyful. It’s impossible.
Thankfully, a year ago, I came across a health and fitness lifestyle that also emphasizes mindset. A key element is affirmations. I admit, when I started with affirmations, I didn’t think they would work. I felt like it was fluff – no way it could work. Fortunately, I was dead wrong. Daily affirmations have changed my life completely. Whether I feel like it or not, I say them every single morning, if not more often throughout the day. When I first started this practice, it felt stupid. But, that’s because my mindset hadn’t shifted yet. I went through the motions, but I was skeptical. But, your brain absorbs it on that subconscious level and eventually the rest follows suit. Gradually, over time, I started to feel different, I suddenly just had this happiness. I woke up every day with this energy and enthusiasm that was just there. I started to like who I saw in the mirror. I started to feel like I could do anything – like anything and everything was possible. It continued to build and build as the months passed until it was just my state: joy.
We have all heard the phrase, “don’t worry, be happy,” but, it’s misleading. It implies that you can just flip this switch and suddenly you’re happy. It doesn’t quite work that way. It takes some practice, but, more importantly, it takes consistency. You have to consistently focus on what is positive and good and what you love about yourself and what qualities you want to enhance or build in yourself. You put these into phrases and you say them to yourself every single day. When you catch yourself doing the opposite, you remind yourself those are lies and you say your affirmations. It is truly amazing how you will start to feel it shift. Your outlook completely changes. Every day you have a choice. You can get up and speak life to yourself and other people, or you can focus on all the crud happening and beat yourself up and put others down. The choice you make will dictate the state of mind you live in. If you choose to speak life and practice it daily, you can live in a state of joy. You will feel it from deep within your heart and your soul and you will want to share it with others.